Final Word: Believe me

Earlier this year I wrote in this column about some things I’ve learned so far in life and it got a pretty good reaction from readers.

So this month, in a similar vein, here are some things I believe to be true. They may not necessarily be true. And you may not agree with some of them. But nonetheless, these are “truths” I hold to be self-evident:

  • I believe the left-hand lane is always the passing lane. It doesn’t matter if you’re on a state, federal, rural or urban roadway, pass on the left and then move over and get out of the way! If you need to make a left-hand turn, wait until you’re approaching the intersection, quickly move to the left and make the turn.
  • On a related note, I believe law-enforcement agencies should hand out tickets for driving slow in the left-hand lane as aggressively as they hand out speeding tickets.
  • All things considered, I believe the Rolling Stones were a better rock-n-roll band than the Beatles.
  • I believe that either Jimmy Buffett or Hugh Hefner is the smartest man alive today.
  • That being said, I believe the whole Hugh Hefner thing is getting creepier every year.
  • I believe Jimmy Buffett was right when he said, “Time on the water is good for the soul.”
  • I believe William Shakespeare did, in fact, write the plays and poems attributed to him.
  • I believe “ghost hunters” and “UFO experts” are fakes.
  • I believe I am incredibly lucky to have been born and raised in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
  • I believe Ernest Hemingway’s “The Old Man and the Sea” is the greatest novella ever published.
  • I believe Larry McMurtry’s “Lonesome Dove” is the greatest contemporary American novel ever published.
  • I believe the University of Alabama Crimson Tide is the greatest football team in the history of college sports – and don’t much care what any Notre Dame, Ohio State, Michigan or Oklahoma fan has to say on the matter.
  • And I know that my Crimson Tide is 9 and 0 so far this season – (at least as I write this column).
  • Speaking of college football, I know we need a playoff system to determine the Division 1-A National Championship every year.
  • I believe automobile manufacturers should be required by law to place the gas cap on the driver’s side of a car or truck, regardless of make, mark or model.
  • Gas prices aside, I believe I’m going to try to buy a 1960s vintage muscle car one of these days.
  • I believe I need to restore that old Firebird rotting away in my garage before I do that, though.
  • I believe stomping around the office in blue jeans and muddy boots is one of the great, unsung perks of being a construction magazine editor.
  • I believe if I could jump on a plane right now and go anywhere in the world, I’d fly to Kenya and Tanzania and visit the Serengeti Plains.
  • I’d like to believe I’d climb Mt. Kilimanjaro while I was there, but I dunno… It’s supposed to be a pretty tough ascent.
  • I believe The Simpsons is, hands-down, my favorite TV show of all time.
  • I believe I’m going to quit writing now and go eat some lunch.